忍

Yesterday morning I get to go out with the bf for a little while! So I finally get to go back for my follow up with the dermatologist. Had lunch and went shopping for a pair of shoes for the bf. Guess what he bought!! A pair of Dr Martens Air Waves!! Damn cool. I've been lemming for a pair of boots too and actually did placed an order for a pair in Gmarket. But it is always OOS!

That was the first part of the day. So second part of the day was well... dramatic. What else. Quarreled with 'the saint' in the family. Why is he 'the saint'? Because he will never be at fault. I wasn't the one that said it but of course I agree. My aunt had to come down to my place and knocked some sense into him. Of course she knew whatever she said will only fall on deaf ears. I stood outside the door and heard my aunt screaming at him saying that she had said the exact same things to him when me and my brother was little, and now again when he's half way to a hundred years old.

My aunt told him that she came over not for him but for her sister (my mother). She was crying and telling him off. I wondered if my dad even feels the least bit of embarrassment. Of course she didn't continue much when I came back. He needs his pride and I understand. But my aunt ended the chapter in a splendid way, she couldn't talk to him anyway more.

If I tell you guys how it all happened you will probably laugh. It is over a pear. So there we were in the living room, him just waking up from his nap wanting dinner. So the bf and me left the house and came back with dinner. We continue watching our dvd while my parents had their dinner. I walked to the kitchen and he demanded a pear. I said 'wait, in a while'. And guess wad? He shouted at me, 'Will you die if you cut me a pear now?' At this point of time, I was fuming. I walked out of the kitchen and to the sofa where the bf was. He shouted at me again and I lose it. And I mean big time. I can get very very mad. The pears went flying. It continued to get worst because you can't believe what he said. Him seating in a wheelchair and yet sprouting those nonsense. I could easily whacked him, like how he used to whacked me.

So I left the house and my aunt came shortly. And again I see how at 56, he has a mentality of a teenage. When my aunt reasoned with him, to think he can say 'OK. so I'm at fault and she isn't.' Worse of all, like a little kid twisting the facts and lying through his teeth, saying I threw the pear at him or how he told me nicely to cut the pear.

The bottom of this whole issue is he thinks everyone should give in to him and he is not wrong to want a pear immediately. I am not assuming because he said to my aunt 'I will never give in to her and she should be the one giving in to me.'

My mother is a very soft hearted woman. Giving in to him all these years even now. She may thinks that he is wrong but nevertheless still talked nicely to him. My aunt told me that he will never change, you can only 忍, endure. She tells me how being a daughter should be, how I must endure so the family will not shatter because since my brother is also not on good terms with him, how I should endure for my mother sake. Of course all these years, I had endured but sometimes like yesterday I lose it. I feel like I seriously do not deserve that attitude from him.

He told my aunt he can take care of himself and doesn't need me. That also shows how childish he is. When he said it, he of course meant it. With only one wheelchair at home now, they need to share. And when the wheelchair is in the bedroom and he is on the sofa, he got down the sofa and dragged his butt over the floor and to the bedroom. I don't feel the slightest pity. I cooked lunch and he chooses not to touch it and opened a canned food. Tell me, are these acts of a teenage or what?

Well... I got a new tattoo inspiration and I'm sure you all know what it is.
忍. I am really mentally strained.

OFTD.


at the end of the day, my mascara and eyeliner were smudged and my face was covered with black tear streaks.

~~忍一时风平浪静, 退一步海阔天空~~